Friday, October 24, 2008

Momma's Rules for Watching College Football on T.V.

For the second week in a row, I will not be at my beloved Alabama Crimson Tide's football game. Bama is at Tennessee, in one of the greatest (i.e: hate-filled) rivalries in college football. Bama is sitting at 7-0, with an actual dream of playing in the national championship game; there are many games yet to play, most of them against teams (Tenn., LSU, Auburn) who would love nothing more than to squash our dreams.

You can understand, then, the importance that I--the devoted Bama fan--play in helping my team to victory. I must either be there in full glory at the games...screaming my head off, cheering with the cheerleaders, dancing to the piped in music, shaking my shaker, high-fiving with total strangers, and yelling "Roll Tide" with so much abandon that surely those players hundreds of feet away will hear me and feel even more compelled to win!

If I can't be at the games, then I must show them the same level of support. I must do what I can as I watch it on t.v. in my own home. And that is the situation I am in this weekend. Without tickets to the Tennessee away game, I will be cheering the team on from my den. And this week, we will have six teenagers watching it with us (since, apparently, I have become known as the "Mom who is cool to watch any sports with").

Tomorrow at 6:45 (when Alabama is live on ESPN...WATCH it!), and every time that I am watching an Alabama game (and many other football games as well), I instill these "Momma's Rules" that everyone walking into my home (or living here on a regular basis) must adhere to...

1. Once the game begins, all conversation will be focused solely on the game.
If you choose to talk about anything else, you will be sent to another room.

2. During commercials, you have a quick respite to go to the bathroom, replenish your snack plate, or talk about games other than the current game being watched. Once the game is back on, however, you must be in your seat and attentive once again.

3. There will be no blocking the view of the television simply because you need to show me how well you do ballet.

4. If you decide to talk about boys, you must go to another room (this applies only to the preteen and teenage girls in my home).

5. You will attend the game properly attired. Ideally, you need to wear an Alabama shirt. If you do not have one, you can wear a generic red shirt. If you do not have one of these shirts, one will be provided for you.

6. You will bring appropriate game-day snacks. Chips and rotel dip, buffalo wings, pizza, rice krispy treats, chocolate cake are all fine with me. (Who am I kidding? Any food is good football food! Want to bring storebought? Fine. Want to bring gourmet? Bring it on.)

7. You have permission to scream mercilessly at the referees. You also have permission to laugh and mock the other team and coaches. You have permission to wring your hands over Alabama's performance, but you will never yell "They suck." My home is a hate-free environment and we will support our team no matter what (This applies primarily to Gary, who gets completely disgusted the moment we commit our first fumble.)

8. You will listen to my incessent comments and commentary about the team's playing during the game. I know everyone on the roster, have studied their stats, and know a bunch about the other team as well. You will bow to my intelligence (and keep your mouth shut if you don't).

9. You will yell "Rolllllll Tiiiiiiiiiide" on every kickoff, and at other random moments throughout the game.

10. You will not (never, ever) ask such questions as, "What does holding mean?" or "Why did they get two points for that tackle in the end zone?" or "What's a cornerback?" while the game is taking place. During a game is not the appropriate time to learn about football. (If, however, you have a sincere desire to understand the fine points of the game, I will be happy to answer reasonable questions during commercials.)

11. If you are a teenage daughter and would love to have a curfew extended, keys to the car, or some extra cash in your pocket, cheering alongside me with unabashed enthusiasm is a great start!

12. If you are a preteen, talking about how "hot" our team's quarterback is (although he is quite the cutie) does not qualify as "educated football discussion."

13. If you are a four-year-old, do not ask "When is this game going to be over?" repeatedly.

14. You are permitted to perform "happy dances" after touchdowns have been scored. I appreciate exuberance!

15. You will understand why I close my eyes and cover my face if we are behind with under two minutes to go; you will understand why I actually leave the room if we are trying to score to win within the last thirty seconds. If you don't understand, you will get over it anyway.

I won't get into "Momma's Rules for the Day after College Football Games" (such as: "You will let me read every article in the sports section of the newspaper out loud to you," "You will give the television over to me for two hours, so I can rewatch my dvr-ed version of the game from the day before," "You will not laugh when I wear an Alabama-themed dress to church," and "You will not talk to me about football if we actually lost the game")...perhaps that's a post for another day.

(yeah, it's kinda like this in my house...just change "Dad" to "Mom')

Enjoy your weekend. Find time to watch your favorite team. If you don't have a favorite team, cheer for Alabama. And I'll see you on Monday!


Laura said...

This is the most "awesom-est" post ever!! However, I would have to add one rule to our household, "If you are three years old, don't be asking Mommie and Daddy when it is time for you to put YOUR new Disney DVD in to watch. It will always be after the game is completely over and the remaining crowd has sung, "Rammer Jammer"!!

Laura said...

P.S. How could I forget!!?? ROLL TIDE!!

hippo chick said...


Gary sounds like Jim watching Syracuse basketball. I can never tell if he loves them or hates them. Like you, he sometimes has to leave the room.

Have a great weekend.

Roll Tide!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hee hee. That is so funny. I don't really care for sports one way or th eother, so Ill support yours. How about that?

Monogram Queen said...

I would give anything to be at your house on Gameday! (with delish food in hand I might add!)

Cheryl Wray said...

Laura--I knew that you'd appreciate this more than anyone. And I love your suggestion. So true!! :-)

Pam--We are truly obsessed about our team. LOL I hope you have a great weekend!

Anon--You bet you can!

Patti--We would have a blast! :-)

Sher's Creative Expressions said...

Boy you are good. My rules when a game is on, is normally, have fun watching it while I have free and quiet time to do something else.



Ms.L said...

hee Hee hee I LOVE your rules!

Linda said...

OMG I think my mother sent those RULES to kidding...LOL... Girl, since I met you, I have become a vigorous Bama fan (don't ask me or talk to me about stats and stuff...just pretend I'm the 4 year old doing ballet in front of the TV and wouldn't understand. But I do so love yelling ROLLLLLLL TIDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Wishing you a happy football day.

Cheryl Wray said...

Sher--Hey, as long as you're watching! LOL (Good to see you stop by!)

Ms. L-- :-)

Linda--Okay, I think it is beyond COOL (and sorta funny!) that you are now a Bama fan!!! That's what I'm talking about!!!! I love it!!!

Leah said...

I love #5, although it kinda felt like an arrest. "If you don't have an attorney, one will be appointed for you." LOL
Roll Tide!!!!!!!

renee said...

Girl, you are too funny!! I will be watching too, and yelling my head off. Roll Tide!

Phats said...

11, 12, and 13 are HILARIOUS!!

I would love to watch a game with you sometime that would be fun

Sheila said...

I'm not a sport fan, but what the heck Go Alabama!!

~Kammie~ said...

OMG--that is too funny and so sad....these are pretty much my rules in my house for when I watch NFL! esp when mine and hd's team play each other...people always want to com eover and watch with us for the "entertainment" b/c they know how passionate I am about football, BUT they don't understand they can not talk and visit with me during the game, so no one is allowed over during that game LMAO! Glad I am not the only freak out there LOL {muah}

Edleen said...

what a cute post! especially those "warnings" to the teens and 4yr olds :D

love that comic true!

have a wonderful weekend Cheryl :)

Loreluca said...

You had me laughing at my ignorance... I have NO CLUE what you are talking about!!! But loved to read it, anyways. My fave was the girls' chatter about the quarterback not counting as educated sports talk ;)
I don't think I've ever watched a whole football game... not even the SuperBowl! I do watch some pieces and bits. And I even yell at the tv. But only if the Bears are on!

Adrienne said...

ROFLOL!!!! this is such a great post...Love the comic strip!

Travis Erwin said...

I love that cartoon and for what it's worth I still think Bama is better than the horns. I'd vote them #1.


Whewww...there's no messing with you on game days!!! LOL.. I loved all your entries, but #3 had me cracking up!!

PS.. I loved all your pictures from "a week in the life of" Those were fabulous!! I have to say though that I loved the flag twirling!!! I did that in school too so I'm a bit bias!!!! Have a good one!

Phats said...

Can you send us half your team? I think we could then start to win again haha Basketball starts Friday for us THANK GOD

Cheryl Wray said...

Leah--Ha! It DOES sound like that, doesn't it? Hey, I'm serious about that! :-)

Phats--LOL I gotta get my kids getting their priorities straight!

Sheila--Thanks! Go Bama! :-)

Kammie--That's GREAT!! No, you're not the only crazy sports fan out there!

Ed--I hope you had a great wekeend too!

Cheryl Wray said...

Loreluca--That is SO funny!!! I guess I always just assume that other people are crazy about sports like I am, but I know that's not true. LOL

Adrienne--LOL You know me and football!

Travis--I really can't decide yet! I watch the Big 12 and see no defense. I'd love to see a high powered Texas offense against our defense. I think it would be a cool matchup.

Cinni--LOL I so loved the Weekin the Life project,and can't wait to get my pictures back. McKenna really loves the flag guard; it's fun!

Phats--Ha!!! I was disappointed with Purdue; I really thought you guys had a chance! Can you believe? In basketball media days, they actually picked us to win the West? We might be good this year in football and basketball. That would be crazy! :-)

Dettao said...

Hook em horns! Oh yeah, wrong team. LOL. Lots of great pictures and stories here, Cheryl. I am soooo behind on my blog reading...