Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Just Thinking . . .
Last night at McKenna's drama production, her middle school principal was telling me how she was one of his favorite students and sharing some of the experiences he had with her that really impressed him. At one point he said, "she's gonna go places and really be something." I was a VERY proud Mom (of course), but it got me to thinking . . . with McKenna heading into high school next year (gasp!) she's already thinking about what she "wants to be" (latest idea: optometrist) and how to get into certain colleges. And Delaney talks a little bit here and there about what she wants to be when she "grows up" (latest: teacher or brain surgeon, with some singing and softball playing thrown in).
I want my girls to be strong and know that they can be ANYTHING they want to be. And I want SO bad to not put demands and expectations on them. Sure, I love that they both love to write (and are SO good at it), but when Delaney says she wants to be a writer I tell her something like, "Do that in your spare time. But you would be a great engineer for your 'real' job." I don't really want to be like that--I want them to follow their dreams and be what they want to be. But I want them to also reach their highest potential! I've always tried to be very motivational and encouraging. Life is what you make of it!
All this got me to thinking more, though, of my own life and the path its taken. I remember when I was in college and imagining myself as the editor of some big magazine in some unnamed Big City. Or when I entertained the thought of being a great sportswriter . . . or maybe owning my own publication . . . or editing a newspaper somewhere. Where did those dreams go? Well, as we all know, life likes to throw curveballs at you and send you in directions you never expected. Not landing a certain job . . . getting married . .. getting divorced . . . having kids . . . changing priorities. . . all those things kinda did a Switcheroo on the Big Plans.
And now, sometimes I find myself wondering. How much help am I being at home? I don't contribute financially that much (I buy us groceries and any "extra" stuff we want), and I sometimes wonder if having a Real Job would make me feel more "real." I remember having real jobs and how it made me feel important doing big tasks and meeting deadlines and working with adults. But then I realize . . . no . . . it's not a job or a paycheck that makes you feel worthwhile. It's feeling like you're making a difference . . .
Somedays I feel like I make a huge difference-- I don't want anyone else picking up my kids from school or doing homework with them. And I have friends who say they just WISH they could afford to stay at home with their kids. I just pray that I'm making a difference and my kids will thank me for it some day (If they're like me, they'll realize that I was actually smart . . .when they hit about 3o-years-old!!)
Okay, boy, did that ever become a rambling post . . . and probably shared a little bit too much. But it's something a lot of women struggle with. . . and I'm sure I will continue to.
In the meantime, I'm gonna work on finishing up an article I have due (pay for some groceries next week!) and wash some clothes (maybe someone will notice! lol).
Here's to mothers and women . . . in whatever form they take. And to all those young daughters out there dreaming big dreams. Keep dreaming big, but be ready to take a Detour too.

4 comments:

Adrienne said...

Oh....I could talk about this ALLLL day. Been there done that. Hang in there....

toya said...

what a dilemma you have? I can tell you that my mom was the type who let us do what we wanted, and I love her for that, you will achieve potential for what you love and be great at it, not what other people love for you. As for your girls,, they will find there calling, one way or another.

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