Thursday, December 07, 2006

"Once U-Pun a Time . . ."

There was a blogger named Cheryl who was really lazy and didn't create her own unique post for this Thursday.

She also happened to be someone who really appreciates a good pun. In fact, they're some of her favorite types of jokes.

So . . . I was excited when I received an email with these priceless puns below. Thought I'd share them with you; unless you have no sense of humor, you will laugh hysterically at these! (And if you don't, just don't admit it!) And voila . . . instant Blog Post!

These were the Top 10 winners in the recent International Pun Contest.

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it immediately sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

I think my favorites have to 4, 5, and 7 (still laughing over that one!) Which ones are your favorites? Do you have any of your own puns that are especially funny?

15 comments:

Lara said...

7 was definitely my favorite, too. :)

The Gandhi one reminded me of one (kind of long):

On Sesame Street one day the bus picked up two very large women who both happened to be named Patty, Ross, who was the mayor of the town and thought he was "all that", and Lester Sneed, whose feet were plagued by corns and he had a disgusting habit of picking them while riding the bus.

Two all beef Patties, Special Ross, Lester Sneed picking bunions on a Sesame Street Bus.

Bad I know...but there it is.

Kathryn said...

Hi, 2,7,9 are my favorite..a nice good laugh early in the morning! Thanks! I found your site through Telah (I'm her sis in law) Great blog and I love the music too! www.freewebs.com/hessfamily

aimee said...

7,8, and 9 definitely made me laugh hard! Thanks for the early morning chuckle!

Here is mine:

A string walks into a bar and tries to order a drink. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here," and throws him out. The string picks himself up, ties himself into a knot, frays his edges and walks back in. The bartender says, "Hey, are you that string I just threw out of here?" The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Ha!

adrienne said...

SEVEN!! TOO FUNNY!!!!

beadinggalinMS said...

2 and 7!! Very funny. Have a great day Cheryl. :)

Cheryl Wray said...

Lara--BAD . . . but funny, very funny! (smile)
Kathryn--Welcome on in! Usually my posts aren't this unoriginal! ha! Glad to see you pop in, and come back anytime. I will check your blog out today!
Aimee--Love it!!!
Adrienne and Beady--Gave me a good laugh too!

NMOTB said...

Those were very funny Cheryl - My fav's were 3,4 & 7!!!

LarryLilly said...

An overdue Palestinian woman starts to go into labor as she works at a home of a Jew in Jerusalem. Knowing she cant get back past the checkpoint in time, the lady has he taken by Israeli ambulance to the Jewish hospital. In Israel, all the doctors that are in the military work at regular hospitals, and wear their camos with white gowns over them. As the woman starts to have final contractions, one of her yet unborn twin sons, Mohammed, looks out, sees the camo garbed doctors, with the Star of David on their lapels. Yazov, the other yet as born son asks “Mohammed what do you see”, Mohammed says, “Yazov, its not good, they are Israelis, get more stones.”

~gkw said...

GREAT POST! Those were all so funny even though our kids didn't "get" half of them!

Phats said...

Hmm I am starting to worry about you a bit Cheryl haha! They were funny, a little corny but funny. For some reason I liked the fish one and I hate fish, DAM!

Cinderella said...

I really liked number 4! I am so happy I paid attention in Chemistry or was it Physics? Which ever one it was, I am happy I did, or I would never have understood that pun..hehe

Andy said...

all i can say is that #2 was the best and my fave. i have heard some of these before though. :)

Jenn said...

3, 4 and 7 are my favorites!! You are so funny! Thanks for making me laugh!!

~Telah said...

7, 9 and 10 are my favs!

Cheryl Wray said...

You guys crack me up! I'm glad that some of you have quirky senses of humor like myself. Except for Phats, who thinks these are kinda "corny." LOL!!! (Well, they are, I admit it!)