Back by Popular Demand...

Okay, it wasn't really by popular demand. It was by my husband's command. For some reason, he's spending more time at work waiting for my blog post than doing any actual work. "Where's your post?" he just called me to ask. "I wait for it everyday." Okay, first off...go ahead and say "Ahhh" because I actually have a husband who reads my posts and is interested in what is going on in my corner of our family. But also...what sort of pressure is that? This was the first day in forever that I didn't really have anything "blogworthy" to post, and now I've got to go ahead and post anyway. Just because I have a pushy husband! (lol)

So...what to post about?

One reason I wasn't going to post in the first place is that I was in kind of a wimpy, mopey mood this morning. Some things on my mind that were just bringing me down a bit, and you all know me. I don't like to be negative (and, no, don't worry about me...nothing big. Just little, everyday, "that's just life" kinda stuff). So, as my Mom used to say, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything."

Second of all, the only thing I could think to post about was that AWESOME Dallas Cowboys game finish last night. My Boys scored a touchdown AND a field goal in 40 seconds. Sheesh, it was exciting! But... I kinda talk about sports ALL the time here on this blog and I guess you all have enough with my Bama talk.You don't really need me to start raving about the Cowboys all the time too. LOL

But then...my friend Deborah (my friend who has the awesome Birmingham restaurant blog and website) sent me an email just a little while ago and it met all my criteria for today: (1) It was funny, therefore pretty "blogworthy"; (2) It's related to sports, which pretty much means it works for me, and (3) It will get Gary off my back.

So, here's an unplanned Tuesday post. Enjoy!! (and Gary, you better make some sweet comments in my comments section for this!)...

"The Way It Is in True Football Land"

Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints.

Women's Accessories:

NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners. (in our case, there's four statues for the national championship coaches and an empty space for the next guy who does it!)

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America .

Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Herschel Walker & Peyton Manning

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting list for tickets.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band,... who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the state's third largest city.

Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for
bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.

There you go, Gary. Hope you're happy!

(And by this post I'm not implying that all Southern football fans are drunkards who actually cuss at sporting events. But, well...we do take it kinda seriously!)